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Offshore E-Mail Samples


These two e-mail examples illustrate why some offshore agents need more training on how to write American-ese.  Our analysis of why these e-mails don't connect with American customers follows each example.

Example 1
This XYZ Internet Service Provider (XYZ-ISP) email is a response to customer John Doe’s question “Can you take the February 3rd charge for $16.20 off my account?”

Subject: Re: Billing Question

Dear John Doe,

Hi, my name is Sameer and I am writing in response to your recent email concerning your XYZ-ISP account. It is our privilege to be of assistance to you and all of our members.

John, I understand the urgency in responding to your concerns and I am most willing to help you further. Very politely, I'll be glad to provide information based on your request.

After reviewing your account information, we found that you were charged $16.20 for using the XYZ-ISP service beyond the time allowed by your pricing plan.  Your pricing plan during the time period was the Limited Use Plan, $4.95 for three hours a month.  Any time exceeding the three hours is charged $2.50 per additional hour.  You were online for 645 minutes.

Please be informed that the additional hourly fee will be prorated to the actual number of minutes you exceeded. For example, if you were online for 10 minutes, you would only be billed for 10 minutes of usage and not the entire $2.50 for that session.

Furthermore, in order to view your detailed bill online, kindly go to our home page, click Billing and select "Detailed Bill." You will be given the opportunity to view and print either your current or last month's bill.

Likewise, may I suggest that you get in touch with us right away at 1-888-555-1234 (toll free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week) so that we may speak with you personally and discuss all your concerns.

Or better yet, sign on to your master screen name or designated master screen name and visit our billing assistance online.  Click on "Get LIVE Billing Help" to chat with an online Billing Consultant.

Thank you for your understanding and patience in this matter.  I hope that I have provided you useful information that addressed your concerns and answered your inquiry as well.  Also, it is our wish for you to have the best possible online experience.

Thank you for choosing XYZ-ISP.  Have a Great Day, John!

Sincerely,
 
Sameer L.
Customer Care Consultant
XYZ-ISP, Inc.

Our Analysis
Sameer’s e-mail is not written in American-ese: it’s overly formal and it lacks a direct answer to John’s question about whether XYZ-ISP will remove the $16.20 charge.Of Sameer’s eight (!) paragraphs, the first, second, and last are all devoted to courtesies. Though American customers expect courtesy, this much courtesy makes the e-mail unnecessarily long.

But Sameer’s failure to answer John’s question directly is most damaging. Though he describes why John was charged $16.20, how to get more information about his bill, and how to contact a billing consultant, Sameer doesn’t tell him whether XYZ ISP will remove the charge. Of course, customers around the globe require clear answers to their questions. But Americans’ bottom-line-up-front culture heightens this need for directness. In American-ese, Sameer would have answered John’s question at the beginning of the e-mail, then provided instructions about how to get more billing information. By failing to communicate with John directly, Sameer has guaranteed John will be contacting XYZ-ISP again to get an answer.

Example 2
Here’s Sitov Liuta’s e-mail in response to Jane Doe’s question: “I’m interested in hiring a web developer to create a web site for my daughter’s school.”  In her e-mail, Jane asked questions about experience, work examples, and cost.

Subject: Re: Need a Web Developer

Hello Jane Doe,

Thanks you for email enquiry. I would be glad to offer my services to you. Please check my responses to your queries.
  1. Yes. Our Company do have experience working with clients in US. Infact I was in USA in between year 2000-2003.
  2. Examples of our Company work similar to your Requirements are www.romaniawebdeveloper.com
  3. Regarding my Prices, it would cost you 655 lei ($220) which included Updates and Maintenace for an year. You can pay once the website is designed and hosted.
From your side I required more information.  Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks
Sitov Liuta
Customer Care
www.romaniawebdeveloper.com

Our Analysis
Unlike Sameer, Sitov answers Jane’s questions briefly and directly. But Sitov’s writing contains typical errors for a second-language speaker: spelling (maintenace), agreement (our company do), and capitalization (requirements and updates). Sitov’s meaning comes through, but his lack of solid writing skills will make Jane question whether she and Sitov understand each other completely.  And errors in e-mail always have a bad effect, making customers wonder whether the answers are credible and the company can provide high-quality products or services.

Read "Teaching Offshore Agents To Write American E-Mail."